Moments from my heart journey. Spontaneous and unrefined revelation.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Links to Fellow missions Blogs

Melissa This is my friend, and fellow missionary who is my role model in many things, one of them being, communicating and blog making.

Nicolle This is my CA friend and also fellow missionary who I love to be around and who's stories I hope you will enjoy.

Friday, February 24, 2006

learning obedience

I hate my job. Many things about it. In so many ways my responsibilities in being an ICU nurse, seem to go against some of my deepest values and ideas. And of course I am looking forward to something else, something better in my opinion, where I can invest in the things I value most. That doesn't help me be content in this uncomfortable time and place and position God has me in now. I am very adimately (even ridiculously) resistant to the routine duties I have as a nurse. And its becoming more and more of a problem for me, so much so that it truly will be a miracle if either I don't quit before even my year contract is up in August or if I don't loose my license because of something I stubbornly refuse to care about.

I was being honest with my roommate about this again after work this morning. And she was being honest with me, which is so hard to swallow when I am being so stubbornly wrong about this. Feeling very desperate inside, and wanting so badly to squirm out from this pressure instead of finishing my lesson in it, I said "something has got to change, I really don't know if I can make it through this, even one day at a time."

And she so accurately reminded me that the something that has to change is me. (of course anyone else knew that already, but I did not, and still quite frankly don't want that to be the answer) But she pointed out to me that in this, OBEDIENCE is the point, thats what God is after, even when I don't like it or understand why or want to do it, or feel like it. God wants me to do my best anyway, out of obedience to him.

God got to me this morning. Wed. night I had been teaching the kids about Abraham and Isaac in Gen 22. And asked God to reveal more to us about what he was doing in that story and why he would ask Abraham to sacrifice his only son. Abraham had waited till he was 100yrs old for the promise of God in a son. A son whom God had promised so much through. And then after a little while, God asked Abe to give him back. Now if I had been Abe, I know what I would have done, because thats what I am doing now in nursing. I would have said, why God, you gave him to me, you are the one who promised to bless nations through me and through him, why would you ask me to sacrifice him, that doesn't sound like you God, surely you wouldn't ask me to do something that seems so contrary to your ultimate plan and purposes. What good could that possibly to, isn't there some other way, something not so drastic, something that makes more sense, and seems more inline with you..... "No Andrea, what I want from you is to trust me unconditionally, and to be obedient unconditionally, because I want you to love me unconditionally. Just as I wanted from Abraham. And just as I have given you in my son, unconditional love, and sacrfice to prove it. A son who was Unconditionally Obedient, because he Unconditionally Trusted, me to be God, and to be good and to be sovreign, and to be a God who Loves Unconditionally." "Yes Andrea, I love you that much, see..."

I could not help but sob as he began revealing this to me. Sobbing both because I know it means I have to give up my selfishness in this, and because I am overwhelmed again by his love.

And now he challenges me, he is testing my faith, and faithfulness to him, how good do I believe he is, do I trust him. Do I believe in his love for me, for us all. Do I trust more in him or more in the plans as I see them reflecting him.

I am challenged to Unconditionally Obedience, because He is Faithful, and He is God who Unconditionally Loves. and his ways are higher than my ways....

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Monday, February 20, 2006

Lola and Jessica

 
This is my neice Lola! Posted by Picasa

latest big idea

Iris Ministries

This is my latest idea on for the next episode of "Where in the World is Andrea?" A 3 month mission school in Mozambique. They speak Portuguese! (no I don't speak portuguese, but I do speak some Spanish, which is very close, much closer than english is to swahili at least) They have a class starting at the end of October 2006 so thats kinda the plan for starting.

Holy Given International School of Missions
This is practice for me before I go overseas so maybe I will be better at updating and able to send pictures or sounds at times, if I can figure all this out by then. My good friend Melissa is my model for missionary communication so I'm getting lessons in building a blog.