the wait. and the struggle to wait

Historically I don't post much when I'm home in Texas.  Probably for a lot of reasons, which are not based in the truth, so I'll repent and take a step in overcoming those lies. I'll post, and begin to show that I value what God is doing and revealing in this part of the process.

And this is a great time to share because its good for us to boast in our weakness, so we can be aware of the strength of God. Right now, and while I am here, I feel weak, and confused, easily and often.  I don't know the plan, and I'm really trying to track with God, but feeling more unsuccessful than not.  I struggle to find things to do that seem meaningful in day to day life here.  I struggle to plug into community when I've been coming and going (and planning to continue going) so much in the past several years.  My closest friendships are scattered around me in all directions, primarily in other cities, states, and nations.  I can see God moving through the lives of people around me, believers who are planted here and connected thru relationships and ministries that are committed to seeing the Kingdom come in various areas.  But I'm not planted here.  

I'm like a potted plant that wants to be outdoors but got moved inside for the winter.  I'm sure its for my own good and protection, but I want to go back out in the sun.  And I want to be planted, to see what can happen with roots.  Outdoors, in the sunshine.  Thats what I want.  But simultaneously, I feel this "wait", in my spirit.  I want to feel "go".  But I feel "wait".  

I would like to know, what exactly am I waiting for.  haha.  But sometimes that ruins the point, because the point is to TRUST.  The journey is all about trust.  Both the going and the waiting. The whole point is to KNOW GOD in the midst of everything.  To know him.  And he is the author of both the going and the waiting.

That would be a nice place to end this post.  But then my thoughts argue back and forth saying, 

"but faith without works is dead…. you cannot just wait… you know God's heart is to share his love, you have to go.  You cannot just wait for a perfect plan or team, just go in faith….."  and so my mind argues back at me, with many other fine sounding arguments.

But I cannot deny the calm, quiet but steady whisper in my spirit, "wait."  (I don't hear it, I feel it.)

 ' ...its time for waiting.  Wait on me and I will fulfill my promises.  Wait for Isaac.  Don't rush out making an Ishmael.  Trust me.  There will be a time for rushing out, but it won't be rushing in vain, it will be rushing out to claim my inheritance, to bring in my bride, to bring in the children.  Right now is the time to be still and know that I am God.  Wait and learn to be still.  Trust in what I have said and HOPE.  Let hope be your anchor.  Let me be your hope.'

Happy Wanderer

As I lay awake last night, adjusting to my great new mattress and sleeping in air conditioning, I suddenly realized, "Wasn't it miraculous that my air mattress lasted over 8 months of daily use in Micronesia?"    I think thats in the same category of miracle as when God kept the Israelites' clothes from wearing out for 40 years…

I know that the Israelites time in the wilderness and their route may have seemed like "wandering in the desert for 40 years" when it could have taken only a few weeks.  And I know that part of it was because they didn't have the faith to enter straight into the promised land when they believed the report of the intimidated spies.  But, I realized that I wouldn't really have thought of it as wandering.  

They were following the presence of God in a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night!  They were being led by God.  Camping, and moving from place to place as he moved and led them.  They were learning about the character and nature of the mysterious God who had appeared to their ancestors a handful of times and promised to make them his very own people.  They where learning about the faithfulness and tender loving care of the mighty God who delivered them into freedom with such awesome signs and wonders.  They were on a journey to get to know their God.  They needed to know him and have so many personal and corporate encounters with him before they entered into the land of Canaan so that they would have a chance of staying faithful to worship him in a land influenced by countless other gods.  

God took them on a journey to know him.  They discovered him as "the Lord my banner" who gave them victory over their enemies, they discovered him as the provider of their daily food, manna and quail.  They discovered him as the giver of rest, as he provided enough manna on the 6th day of the week to give them a day of rest on the 7th day.  They discovered him as water gushing from a rock, and the one who leads them to oasis in the desert.  They discovered his faithfulness and might to lead them by his own presence in the cloud and fire.  They discovered that he listened to their complaints, even though he preferred them to trust him in thankfulness than to complain….  

They learned a lot about this amazing God, and he became their own.  They began to learn what their identity was like, what it looks like to be the people of God.  What pleases him, what makes him mad.  His justice and mercy….  They looked like wanders.  They camped out for 40 years, just like their forefathers, they camped, they moved, they were the people of God, moving towards something.  Moving towards knowing him and his character, and trusting in his faithfulness, and the fulfillment of his promises.

I have looked at my life the past few years and so many transitions and nations, languages, teams and families…  and sometimes it seems a little bit like wandering.  haha.  But I have known his presence and his faithfulness more and more in every step.  He has me on this journey of knowing him and seeing him making himself known in all the world.  

As I get on airplanes between cultures and languages and comfort zones, I feel him, he is with me.  He is my real home.  I am one of His. Who wanders in his Presence.  Happy to be one of His wanderers. 

...

"We don't take Jesus to the ends of the earth, He takes us." - Paul Otoko

Power of Forgiveness: the Miracle of Reconciliation (Rick's Story)

Chuuk has a reputation among the islands for being violent.  And the men from Losap are known to be very tough and unforgiving.  The youth and young men stand around looking very tough and up to trouble most days, they all dress like American gangsters, but with more interesting hairdos.  God has really been putting them on my heart and I know that they are central to the revival and awakening of love that he wants to bring to these islands.

Rick was attacked from behind on New Years Eve, and injured pretty badly.  The young man that had attacked him, accepted Jesus during one of our meetings and wanted to get baptized, but felt that he needed to apologize and make peace with Rick first.  But he was afraid for his life to even be seen by Rick.  So Saturday morning, it was on Mama Rose's heart that we go visit Rick.  We took his brother, also a new believer, with us.  And T.K. was there (a deported ex-con who had met Jesus in an American prison and backslidden, but had great english and was often in the right place at the right time to translate for me during really powerful moments of the love of God and repentance).

Rick asked us to pray that he wouldn't take revenge or murder the guy who hurt him.  Even though all the culture and his history is to always fight back and always take revenge.  We shared with him the power of Jesus' forgiveness for him and the love of God, and the importance of receiving his love and grace to forgive one another.  And Rick and T.K. were both in tears as we prayed and the presence of God and the power of Jesus' sacrifice impacted them.

The next morning, before our ship arrived to take us home, Rick came by the house to ask Mama Rose to go get the man who'd hurt him so that he could forgive him with us as witnesses (so that the guy would be brave enough to come around).  So we prayed for them to receive the love of God and grace to forgive and humility to apologize.  Then I thought they should talk it out or whatever they needed to say to make peace.  

They just stood up in front of us and said one word to each other and shook hands.  

The guy who was forgiven, as Rick shook his hand, he looked at me in utter shock and surprise and relief and thankfulness.  

And that was it.  That was the miracle of peace and reconciliation for them.  

Afterward Rick said he felt so strong and joyful, he had never been able to forgive like that before and he had never felt this way before.  He had never experienced the love and forgiveness and presence of God like that before.

Crazy Transformations

Two more stories from our trip to Losap Island this month

Sabine - Crazy Transformation:  

We heard about Sabine, who is known to be crazy and have violent outbursts and attacks people frequently for years.  So we began praying for him and a few days later we got to visit him.  He welcomed us into his empty living room and pulled out an old chair for me to sit in.  He sat just inside his bedroom doorway on a bucket.  He wouldn't make eye contact, and he picked up an old thesaurus and pretended to be looking through it like a Bible while he listened.  I figured I might only have a few minutes because I didn't know what his attention span would be like, and what other voices he might be hearing.  I just knew that he needed Jesus asap.  So Mama Rose and I shared the gospel in the shortest, simplest way possible.  (God really loves you and he wants to live in you and change your whole life.  And he sent Jesus to forgive all your sins.) And he just kept nodding his head and saying "Ewer. Ewer" (Yes. Yes.)  

"Do you believe that is true?"  Ewer.

"Do you want know the love of God?" Ewer.

"Do you want the forgiveness of Jesus?" Ewer.

"Do you want to repent and ask him into your life right now?" Ewer.

So we prayed with him.  And then he looked smiling and his whole face had changed.  He looked us in the eyes and started to have a normal conversation with us.  He came to the meeting that night and sat there smiling the whole time.  

Early the next morning we were baptizing several people, and waiting for everyone to gather.  I asked someone to go make sure Sabine was awake and let him know we were baptizing because he had wanted to get baptized.   When the locals heard me ask about him, they all just laughed in disbelief.  But Sabine came, and he was baptized that morning.  And every meeting after that he came, joyful and peaceful and no more attacking anyone.  Jesus really came to set us all free!  And he really changes lives!

Kevin climbs:

Kevin and his wife Kandice had been believers for a long time, but been kind of discouraged and asleep in their faith.  But they asked us to come pray for them because of curses that were being put on them by some other famliy members.  They were really eager to repent and learn about their authority as followers of Jesus over all the powers of darkness and even sickness.  We read Mark 16:15-19 and Kevin was so excited to hear it he asked us to read it again.  God healed arm from numbness and pain that day.  They were both baptized later that week, and went home so excited to share with each other for hours about what God was stirring up in their hearts.

A couple nights later we were teaching on the Holy Spirit and how he works in the lives of believers and I was really trying to activate the people to pray for one another to be healed of sicknesses.  But no one was willing to step out in boldness yet.  Except Kevin.  He came up to the front and was so excited to share that his arm had been healed but asked that we pray for his strength to come back because he still had generalized muscle weakness. (Most of the islander men can climb straight up coconut trees from the time they are young boys.)  So we prayed and asked if there was any way he could test his strength there.  He looked around and pointed to the pillar next to him. 

"I could climb this pillar right here."  "Ok sure, try that."  

So up he went, he climbed to the top of the pillar right there in front of the church meeting.  Hahaha.  He was so excited and I couldn't believe that I had just seen someone climb a pillar in the middle of a church.  He has the personality and faith like Peter, to just jump out of the boat.  So that night he was the only local man bold enough to start to pray for the sick, and they were healed too!

Losap Island: Revival begins

   Mama Rose, my adopted Chuukese grandmother, and I had the opportunity to spend the past 4 weeks in her home island of Losap.  We really had a heart to encourage them and bring the love of God and revival there.  Its a small island that takes about 30 minutes to walk around, maybe a 100-200 people live there.  We took a wild, long, wet, sick, ship ride to get there, but well worth the journey.  Losap has one old traditional church there, and plenty of coconut trees and crabs.God showed us that he was going to "awaken hearts to love" there, and that he wanted to pour out his love and his Spirit in a new way.

me and Mama Rose, the Kingdom Bringing Duo

     Everyday we just spent time praying and shared together and then went and did whatever we felt God was telling us to do, and visit whoever he showed us to.  The first week or so I felt like we just kept declaring and prophesying what God was doing and for them to get ready to receive his love and his Spirit in a new way.  We spent time in homes listening and blessing people and praying for the sick and visiting the widows.  And we met with the hungry believers and taught and encouraged them.  And saw God do so much to awaken hearts and stir up hunger for him.  

     We really had a heart for the young men and youth who were pretty excluded and caused a lot of violence and worry on the island.  So our last week there we had meetings in the school to preach the gospel to the youth and young men and so many of them met Jesus for the first time!  I still cry with joy when I remember the changes on their faces as they lit up with hope and began to receive the love of God in their lives.  We have so many stories to share, that I'll try to get out on my blog soon.  Healing, restoration and reconciliation, restored peace, repentance, joy, and lots of new life in Jesus.  And Mama Rose and I had the time of our life believing God and pressing through when we felt crazy for believing him, and obeying anyway, and seeing him light a fire in the hearts of people.

     One story I'll share is about Saingo, a 12 year old boy, who offered to help us and came by to see us wherever we passed him on the island.  I had felt for several days to stop and pray for him individually when we passed him.  Finally we had the chance and we just encouraged him, I saw such a tender and hungry heart for God and the Spirit of Jesus in him to love and serve and grow into an example and leader in the Kingdom of God.  Later I found out that he had a terrible reputation among the island for something bad he had done, everyone hated him.  So Mama Rose testified in a meeting that night about what God had shown us about him, and how God changes Sauls into Pauls.  His older sister cried as she was listening. I had been trying to teach about prophetic and hearing God and encouraging each other, because I know that God is going to be moving in new ways with them and they haven't experienced it yet.  But God taught his own lesson as he transformed a boy and his family's lives and an island's perspective with one simple blessing.  The next day Saingo and his sister got baptized and later several others in his family also decided to follow Jesus!