I cut an pasted this blog from an email to my mom, so its very true and personal to me, and yet vague in a way that email can't help but be when summarizing weeks of life in a different sort of setting. I do the best i can, to give valid tidbits.

Denea had a visual picture "prophecy" for me this morning in worship and class time. She said that she saw a picture frame with me in it, all cute and smiling, and it was shattered. totally shattered my face. and then she saw another picture of me that was glowing and shining so bright you could hardly look at it. And i share that because that is accurately how i feel what God has been doing, shattering my old image, so that his glory may be displayed and his presence and power and love revealed more fully in my life...... so i look forward to the shining part. mean while i have to remind myself not to try to put back the pieces of my picture myself to try to patch my own identity but to relax and remain open to the Spirit and the work God is working in me. A life change.

it feels like i'll be home so soon, and i have no idea what i'll do from there. at the moment i'd like to try to go camping as much as possible and spend more time with the Lord just building on intimacy, because i am finding one thing true, there is no short cut to intimacy, and there is no power in ministry without it, nor abundance in life. So this has just been a good enforcer of that for me. God is just subtly solidifying some of his deep truths in my heart, intimacy with him being the main one. the other truths he is showing me are just to make more room for that.


Also he has shown me that he will keep filling me with his love and power and grace and joy. Everyday he has an abundant supply of himself for me and the whole world, so i really don't have to hang on so tightly but can give freely because I know that he will fill me again everytime i come to him. This seems simple and true, but he is teaching it to my spirit in a way I never accepted before. I'll definitely elaborate on it in person. But he is showing me that it is ok to "hunger and thirst for justice" because indeed he will fill me. Its ok for me to open my eyes and heart to the insane needs in the world and in the people around me, because his love is big enough and powerful enough for each of us and our deepest and most basic needs. And he will fill me again. He will empower us to give something of power, something of his own love, and then he will fill us again. A continuous flow. And I am eager to accept his gifts more and more so that I can love in power. Because as Heidi likes to put it when she is feeling rascally and challenging, "love has teeth" its not just words, or a hug or a prayer, for the poor, good news is also bread and water and clothes and safety and health and a living God!

I'm writing from the office here on base at Iris Ministries. We pay 2 dollars for 15minute slots to try to help pay for the computer. its easier than going into town. and so far its faster too. i'm learning some portuguese "poco mais,poco mais" everyday from the pastors training here. lots of them want to learn english too. so sometimes i think or pray a few words in portuguese now. its fun to try to learn, they are very forgiving, full of joy. I went to the 'toddler house' last night to help tuck in and pray with the kids. they are soo good and sweet to each other. 20ish kids with 2-3 'moms' to watch them all the time. they were soo cute. very encouraging to my heart.

it has been a challenge to adjust to the begging constantly from almost every mozambiquan, not so much the ones at the center, but the kids come off the street too and sit with us under the tent and wander around the center all the time. they have a guard and a gate, but the kids are more or less harmless and can fit through the slats in the gate. its hard to find the balance in wanting to give and still keep watch or shoes on or shirts on. i'm learning to differentiate the voice of condemnation from the enemy or conviction from the spirit.

the last few days i have felt more and more freedom to be myself and branch out a little more, I am trusting God for my peace again, and he is giving me more joy at the same time.

We have been worshipping a few times this week with a song about "giving up my life that he might have the reward for his suffering" very sweet and passionate song. tonight God showed me that me coming into him, totally into the inner courts with him and an intmate relationship with him, that is what he died for, that is what he suffered for. I am the reward for his suffering. He suffered that he might have a close intimate relationship with us..... it just hit me in a new way. and is part of how he is whooing my heart to him more. Which is the whole deal, fruit comes from intimacy, so that is the journey I am on.

He is faithful to complete the work he has begun!! hallelujah.