Historically I don't post much when I'm home in Texas. Probably for a lot of reasons, which are not based in the truth, so I'll repent and take a step in overcoming those lies. I'll post, and begin to show that I value what God is doing and revealing in this part of the process.
And this is a great time to share because its good for us to boast in our weakness, so we can be aware of the strength of God. Right now, and while I am here, I feel weak, and confused, easily and often. I don't know the plan, and I'm really trying to track with God, but feeling more unsuccessful than not. I struggle to find things to do that seem meaningful in day to day life here. I struggle to plug into community when I've been coming and going (and planning to continue going) so much in the past several years. My closest friendships are scattered around me in all directions, primarily in other cities, states, and nations. I can see God moving through the lives of people around me, believers who are planted here and connected thru relationships and ministries that are committed to seeing the Kingdom come in various areas. But I'm not planted here.
I'm like a potted plant that wants to be outdoors but got moved inside for the winter. I'm sure its for my own good and protection, but I want to go back out in the sun. And I want to be planted, to see what can happen with roots. Outdoors, in the sunshine. Thats what I want. But simultaneously, I feel this "wait", in my spirit. I want to feel "go". But I feel "wait".
I would like to know, what exactly am I waiting for. haha. But sometimes that ruins the point, because the point is to TRUST. The journey is all about trust. Both the going and the waiting. The whole point is to KNOW GOD in the midst of everything. To know him. And he is the author of both the going and the waiting.
That would be a nice place to end this post. But then my thoughts argue back and forth saying,
"but faith without works is dead…. you cannot just wait… you know God's heart is to share his love, you have to go. You cannot just wait for a perfect plan or team, just go in faith….." and so my mind argues back at me, with many other fine sounding arguments.
But I cannot deny the calm, quiet but steady whisper in my spirit, "wait." (I don't hear it, I feel it.)
' ...its time for waiting. Wait on me and I will fulfill my promises. Wait for Isaac. Don't rush out making an Ishmael. Trust me. There will be a time for rushing out, but it won't be rushing in vain, it will be rushing out to claim my inheritance, to bring in my bride, to bring in the children. Right now is the time to be still and know that I am God. Wait and learn to be still. Trust in what I have said and HOPE. Let hope be your anchor. Let me be your hope.'
