prayer processing

Part of my prayer today-

'In the midst of loving living here, I am also experiencing the phases of cultural adaptation, including being disenchanted.  Some things about life here are very disenchanting, like walking on the pier at night on the beach; and seeing very boldly close rats and cochroaches crawling by.  And the overtones of sexual perversion covering the people on the streets, the beautiful homosexuals and transvestites, the prostitutes who try to adapt and cope with life in "the program" and lose hope and self worth.  It also feels weird to be here as a missionary, as an evangelist, because there are so many preaching partial gospels and religious gospels without power.

God, I really want to know and experience you and your gospel in fullness.  I want to know the raw power of your love.  I want to trust you enough to dream with you and to walk each day radically and willing to do with you the crazy normal stuff of your upside-down, supernatural kingdom.  

Many days still feel so 'normal' and I wonder again, am I really trusting you enough?  

Am I really giving you freedom to do anything you want to thru my life? 

 ... I don't know.  

But I do know that I want to encounter you today.  

More than yesterday.  

I want to invite you to take over new places in my heart.

And I want to enjoy the process with you.  I don't want to live in a constant state of frustration about where I'm not yet  (or how much Portuguese I haven't learned yet) or what greater works I haven't experienced with you yet.  I want to be like the child who gets hungry often, but knows that my father will give me good food.  Just the right nutrients at the right stages of development and that he will walk with me into maturity.  I want to trust you today.'

This is an unrelated picture of from a community outreach this week.  I was checking the bloodsugar  of my dramatic Brazilian friend and laughing at her pain.  
Because I'm a good missionary :)